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Germany is a nasty guy. Really tough.

Germany

Germany is a nasty guy. Really tough. Has a history. He is strong, powerful, intimidating. He loves fighting. He was banned from the pub after an earlier brawl, but now he’s back, spoiling for a fight.

The pub is already quite rowdy. In one corner, Japan is kicking China. In another corner lies Ethiopia, bruised and battered, with Italy gloating over him.

Germany looks around, schmoozes somewhat with USSR and then picks a fight with a regular: Poland. Poland is a good brawler, but not nearly as good as Germany; Poland goes down.

With that, all hell breaks loose. USSR kicks Poland in the back and then hits Finland. UK and France team up and shout at both Germany and USSR. Japan grabs a knife.

Germany catches his breath after defeating Poland and then lunges for UK and France. A few hits and WHOAH!! France is down!! He was getting old, but no one expected this.

UK is shocked. Alone, he is not as strong as Germany and so he runs up the stairs, so Germany cannot deliver the knockout blow.

Germany, drunk on success, turns against USSR. There is still lots of old enmity, over girls, over money, over everything.

WHAM! USSR staggers, dazed and bleeding. WHAM! Germany hits him again. And again. And again. Teeth fly around, ribs break. But USSR just doesn’t go down.

Meanwhile UK has asked his old mate USA to help. USA hesitates … until Japan hits him. In the face. With a chair. Germany laughs when he sees this, and taunts USA.

Big mistake. Because USA is big. Scary big. FREAKISHLY big. And now he goes wild, kicking Japan and hitting Germany at the same time.

Germany and USSR are still fighting, bleeding, screaming. UK and USA jump on Germany from behind and the three hit him with everything they’ve got: CRACK! Germany loses two ribs. KTOW! And another rib! TWOCK!! His jaw! SMASH! His kidney!

Germany staggers. Then USSR lands a final sickening blow in his face … and Germany goes down.

Then USA, USSR and UK all turn around for Japan. A final bone-shattering series of uppercuts follow, and Japan just drops.

The brawl is over.

So why did Germany lose? He was fighting USSR, USA and UK at the same time. It’s that simple.

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